Monday, July 11, 2011

Puerto Rico

I hope that by tomorrow this time I will be in Puerto Rico. It's the getting there that's the hard part. I have a FEAR of flying. When the plane takes off I feel helpless, and I literally feel like I am going to die. As soon as I hear the plane start, I feel so helpless, as we begin to ascend I am convinced that this is the end of my life on this side of heaven. And then when the plane levels off, I keep thinking I am going to fall at anytime. The minutes seem to go by like hours, as I sit trapped in this death trap in the sky. Any bump makes me fell crazy and let's be honest, no bumps make me feel anxious. Are we still moving? What's going on? It feels as if I am going to fall out of the sky.

Just thinking about flying makes my chest tight. I even fear other people flying. A few weeks ago, I dropped my sister off at the airport--she was on her way to Portugal. As I watched her back get smaller and smaller with her carry on luggage trailing behind her, I almost burst into tears. What if I never see her again?

And I am not really afraid of dying, I am afraid of knowing that I am going to die. I am afraid of losing someone I love; I am afraid of leaving people behind, of people missing me.

But I want to push past this, I want to see the world! I've always wanted this. When I was a little girl, I used to take imaginary trips in the Encyclopedia to places like Hawaii and Philadelphia and Chicago. I have always been happiest when I am in a new place--even if it's just 30 minutes from my house.

Oh there are so many places I want to go. I want to go to San Francisco, Seattle, Paris, London, Jamaica, Hawaii. I want to figure out where my ancestors came from and go visit that country in Africa.
The only places that I have been so far are New Orleans, D.C., Atlanta, Miami, Chicago, Charleston, and D.C.

I feel like if I get over my fear of flying or at least manage it, Ill be living the life of my dreams.
Even with this impending flight, I'm like if I can get on a plane an fly, what else can I do? What other fears can I face? Who else can I be? Maybe, just maybe, the sky's the limit.

Well I'm off to by a swimsuit that covers my thighs. Ill keep you posted on my journey.

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