Wednesday, July 13, 2011

I am HERE!

During my first flight from Raleigh to ATL, I was EXTREMELY nervous. As the plane began to take off, I knew I was going to die. I said to myself, well this is it. I held my boyfriend's hand the entire flight. At times I almost squeezed it off. And it was a smooth flight, there was no turbulence. When we got to ATL, I almost wanted to just forget the trip and drive back to NC. But obviously I didnt.

Even though I was nervous, the flight went quickly, and I was surprised when the pilot said we were beginning our decent.

We had a four and a half layover in ATL. And it went by fairly quickly.

Before the flight, I took two benedryll to make me sleepy. It kinda of worked.

During the take off from ATL, I was only 50% sure that the plane was going to fall out of the sky. I asked God to please help me stop being afraid. After I had been in the air for about 45 minutes, I was getting tired of my irrational thoughts.
I decided to read the magazine in the seat in front of me. I said well, I will read it cover to cover and by the time I finish reading it, we will be in San Juan. I figured that if I filled my mind with words, then I couldnt think about scarey things. It helped some. I began to get a little groggy, so I dozed off. It felt like I would doze off for five minutes and then wake up. However, when I heard the pilot say, we will begin our decent momentarily, It didnt seem like we had been in the air that long.

I am thrilled to be here. It has been a wonderful life changing experience, and I thank God for allowing me to be here. There is nothing greater than traveling the world with someone you love, and traveling by yourself is a not so distant second.
There are so many other places that I would like to see, and I pray that God gives me the courage to do so.

For now, Ill concentrate on enjoying my last two days on this island and not worrying about the flights back.
I pray to God that I am not afraid, and I pray that I am not afraid even during turbulence.


Monday, July 11, 2011

Swimsuit Drama

Just spent $108 dollars at Walmart. I got a swimsuit. A black bikini top and a black skirt. I feel chunky, and I don't really like the way I look. I have to accept the fact that I am not a swimsuit model. To be honest, I usually like the way I look in my clothes, so this is new to me. Oh, well, it is what it is.

I also got some anthistamine to help me sleep on the plane. I hope I just dont end up feeling tired and groggy and unable to sleep. We shall see.

Oh well, I need to pack for four days and three nights. I am actually checking my bags for the first time every, usually I just do carry on. Hopefully my bags won't get lost.

Puerto Rico

I hope that by tomorrow this time I will be in Puerto Rico. It's the getting there that's the hard part. I have a FEAR of flying. When the plane takes off I feel helpless, and I literally feel like I am going to die. As soon as I hear the plane start, I feel so helpless, as we begin to ascend I am convinced that this is the end of my life on this side of heaven. And then when the plane levels off, I keep thinking I am going to fall at anytime. The minutes seem to go by like hours, as I sit trapped in this death trap in the sky. Any bump makes me fell crazy and let's be honest, no bumps make me feel anxious. Are we still moving? What's going on? It feels as if I am going to fall out of the sky.

Just thinking about flying makes my chest tight. I even fear other people flying. A few weeks ago, I dropped my sister off at the airport--she was on her way to Portugal. As I watched her back get smaller and smaller with her carry on luggage trailing behind her, I almost burst into tears. What if I never see her again?

And I am not really afraid of dying, I am afraid of knowing that I am going to die. I am afraid of losing someone I love; I am afraid of leaving people behind, of people missing me.

But I want to push past this, I want to see the world! I've always wanted this. When I was a little girl, I used to take imaginary trips in the Encyclopedia to places like Hawaii and Philadelphia and Chicago. I have always been happiest when I am in a new place--even if it's just 30 minutes from my house.

Oh there are so many places I want to go. I want to go to San Francisco, Seattle, Paris, London, Jamaica, Hawaii. I want to figure out where my ancestors came from and go visit that country in Africa.
The only places that I have been so far are New Orleans, D.C., Atlanta, Miami, Chicago, Charleston, and D.C.

I feel like if I get over my fear of flying or at least manage it, Ill be living the life of my dreams.
Even with this impending flight, I'm like if I can get on a plane an fly, what else can I do? What other fears can I face? Who else can I be? Maybe, just maybe, the sky's the limit.

Well I'm off to by a swimsuit that covers my thighs. Ill keep you posted on my journey.